Archive for Big Porn

It’s like a sticky, sweaty Christmas in July

Posted in Bitching with tags , on July 11, 2008 by twobuck

It’s that time of year again: two weeks from now, the Sydney Sexpo will be up and running (well, grinding in a bored sort of way to “Milkshake”) again. Since the Big Porn company that owns my tits and soul is running the thing, my work is planning a few events in connection with it. Belladonna (of “Cock Pigs”, “Cum Buckets! 4”, “Ebony In Ivory” and my personal favourite, “Gee, Your Ass Stretches Terrific!”) will be doing a signing at the main shop one afternoon the week after next. I’m torn between trying to get that shift to score off the crowd that’s going to be there and wanting to stay as far away as possible, because any gimmick they’ve run in the past- bringing in a girl from Melbourne to pose as a “porn star” who just finished a shoot in LA was the latest hare-brained scheme, I swear they’re like the Bobsy Twins with extra fisting- seems to end up fucking over the regular girls one way or another.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Belladonna just fine and she seems like a cool lady. It’s just that with all the fuckery going on at work at the moment I’m starting to wince every time the boss says “Oh, before you go, one other thing I forgot to tell you…” I’m still not sure if the girls are going to be wanted to work at the Sexpo main event. They have in years past, and it’s been quite a good earner for them. But…I just plain don’t care for it. I’ve been twice before, mostly out of curiosity, and each time it just weirded me out. The whole thing is a weird, uncomfortable mix of a country town show day (minus the cow shit. Unless you pay extra) and a suburban middle-aged swingers’ meet. I know, it’s great for the industry people, and that we’re lucky enough to live in a country where adults can admit publicly that they actually (oh gosh, tee-hee) have sex and enjoy it.  The whole thing just leaves me feeling the same way I do when we get the Porno Turistas in at work: they shuffle along and giggle and prod and poke things, they mill around handling the merchandise and snickering in awe at the fact that someone would actually BUY a vibrator. It’s prudish and immature and I hate that shit.

On the up side, World Youth Day grows ever closer. With any luck, the presence of thousands of young people who are living in close quarters in a strange, big city for a week but aren’t allowed to stick their bits in each other will mean an upturn in business. if the lapsed-Catholic guilt wasn’t still running so strongly in my veins I’d get myself a nun’s habit.

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You cannot stop the glorious march of progress, citizen!

Posted in Bitching with tags on July 8, 2008 by twobuck

So, next week our fair city is hosting World Youth Day, and I for one am looking forward to it. The main street that will be closed so that the faithful legions may march upon it in a most holy fashion also houses our little establishment of ill repute, and what with a nicely timed public transport strike and dark mutterings of protest plans I’m looking forward to a bit of chaos.

My old boss (a 6’1″ Lebanese drag queen with a preternatural fondness for the baseball bat, rumoured to be named “Dorothy”, which he kept behind the counter), whom I shall miss dearly, has been transferred to another location. The new guy seems okay, and certainly has no qualms about standing up to dickheads who harrass the girls- and really, what more could one ask? Meanwhile, the refurbishment plans of Management continue unabated. I was halfway out the door after a thoroughly fiscally unsatisfying shift today when the boss casually asked, “Oh, you’re on tomorrow night, aren’t you?”

“Yep, why?”

“Oh, they’re doing the wall.”

“They’re doing…the whatnow?” Visions of marching hammers and interminable acid-fuelled guitar noodling swam in my head.

“The wall. Knocking it down.”

So it seems that once again I shall be wading naked through piles of sawdust and Makita attachments in pursuit of a living wage.

I’m up to my arse in sawdust

Posted in Bitching with tags , on June 27, 2008 by twobuck

So management, in their infinite wisdom, have decided that while some desperately needed renovations are going on at my work it would cause an unacceptable loss in revnue to, say, shut the place down for a few days and just get the whole thing done in one go. Instead, the last few weeks have been a drawn-out series of confrontations between workmen and naked girls, like some particularly ratings-focused renovation show. While the scent of sawdust and new paint makes a pleasant change from the usual stench of spunk and despair, the punters seem to have found the constant screeching whine of angle-grinders and the presence of burly, leering dudes in King Gee shorts to be somewhat offputting. Combine that with management’s reluctance to tell the girls things which one might consider to be slightly important- such as, for instance, “Don’t bother making the trip in to work today because we’re painting the booths and they won’t be dry until the end of your shift so you’ll just have to go RIGHT the FUCK back home again with no money”- and you can understand that my work enviroment has become rather tense of late.

It’s not that I mind having to walk around in nothing but lingerie in front of a bunch of construction guys who aren’t paying me a damn cent, not at all. Nor do I care one whit that said construction guys choose to demonstrate their raffish and charming disregard for the lives of us all by, oh, using a circular saw to cut through metal surrounded by wood roped thickly with extremely precarious power cables. That’s just fucking dandy. What I DO mind is that after nearly a month of slow business and hassle, the only part of the entire place that’s been left in its natural state of rank decrepit filth is the GODDAMN DRESSING ROOM. Also, the performer’s couch in the booth is still held together with rapidly surrending duct-tape.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.